I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
