If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
