Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
