Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
