So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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