i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
