Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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