please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
