Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
