I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
