so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
