I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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