I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
