I will die if light touches me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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