Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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