I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
