I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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