Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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