I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
