if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
