In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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