Jerry, you need to find god
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
