I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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