david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
