ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
