i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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