i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
