wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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