I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
