if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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