Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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