The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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