I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
