dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
