I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
