I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
