He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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