No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
