Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
