as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
