i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
