im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
