Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
