I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
whose parrot is this?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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