What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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