Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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