Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
