what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
