You just made me feel so damn special
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
