I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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