Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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