well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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