I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize