She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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