There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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