First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there was a trapeze. enough said
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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