I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
