dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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