im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
