I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
