Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
