I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
