Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
