Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
