I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
