she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found your dick twin last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
