haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
