I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
