Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He did a backflip because drugs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
