I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
