I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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