Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
