Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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