he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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