I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
