im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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