why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize