hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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