I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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