It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
