were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
