It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize