Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
