Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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