i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize