if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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