ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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