I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
