were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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