I think im going to throw up on grandma
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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