So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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