he thought i was a dude.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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