So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can text with my tongue
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
