did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
