Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize