Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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