allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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